My Heart Attack, Part 1- Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?
The events from last week mentioned in this article are probably a surprise for most of my friends and family. I managed to keep this information limited to some very close friends and my immediate family only. Thanks to them for being so understanding when I wanted to be left alone to deal with all this and come to terms with it in my own time. They were upset because they wanted to do anything to physically help, but I appreciate them respecting my wishes and offering support from a distance. Keeping this private was not meant as a slight on anyone, but as a coping mechanism, and an attempt to avoid a sympathetic circus drama while I was trying to focus all my energy on getting well. I share to Facebook often, but I don’t often share very personal events. I only share this now to help others hopefully avoid the same mistakes, learn prevention, and to record it for future personal reflection. -SDB
Monday, June 5 as I was walking my dog, I was again wondering why I had been feeling so down lately. I was 46, single, had a decent job, was in the best physical shape of my life, I had an exciting side job as an entertainer that I loved and my dog was finally healthy again after a brief scare.
For the previous two weeks, I had been experiencing an unidentified malaise, to use an archaic term. (You will get used to me doing this regularly.) It was a feeling that things weren’t right. I chalked it up to depression and stress and, like I do every day, I went to walk the dog our daily six blocks. This morning, though, the anxiety was worse.
I couldn’t understand it. Being an analytical person, I went over it over and over. I had the best weekend in ages just a couple days before and, if anything, I felt a bit of optimism, not enough stress to cause this familiar feeling. I went to work, carried stuff, climbed ladders, went home and I was exhausted. I took a big nap and woke up feeling good. Only once in the night did I wake up to a tightness in my chest.
Tuesday Morning, June 6, I again walked my dog Verbal. Half way into the walk, I felt a clear tightness in my chest, mostly to the left side. I finished our walk heavily winded, but a moment’s rest made me feel normal again, so I chalked it up to anxiety and went to work. At work, my chest was tight and when I really exerted myself, there was a bit of pain. I rested a bit, felt okay and continued with my day. When I got home, I was EXHAUSTED. I stayed in bed the rest of the night not paying attention to the ache that was steadily building. Over night, I was awakened several times with a sharp pain in the left side of my chest. It was sharp like I was under tremendous stress, I relaxed, used some yoga breathing to calm down and went back to sleep.
Wednesday, June 7, I awoke in pain. My chest was hurting sharply until I relaxed and breathed for a bit. As I walked Verbal, my chest was on fire, a steady burn accompanied the light pain, but I breathed deep, relaxed, and kept it at bay. The pain would be regular all morning. Instead of walking around to do a lot of work, I sat at my desk and tried to move as little as possible since even standing too fast could make it ache.
I went to lunch with a buddy when I was feeling better. The pain has subsided and we had a pleasant meal, chatting for the first time in a while, then I went back to work. Within an hour, my chest was on fire. The pain was sharp and made me take deep breaths. I sat at my desk trying to relax them away for a couple hours until it settled down and I was pain-free. I even wrote a poem about it here on Medium.com!
3pm on June 7 arrived. I had a meeting in another building. It was about 100 yards away and on the 4th floor. As I walked and talked with a co-worker, all I could think of was the pain in my chest. I was breathing deep and gasping as the pain stabbed me over and over. I confessed to my co-worker in the elevator that I had been having chest pains and they were getting so severe I was going to have to rest. He urged me to go see a doctor immediately! He was executor of his aunt’s estate, and particularly sensitive to heart problems following her death. By the time I made it to the 4th floor, I excused myself and hid in a toilet stall for a few minutes to breath deep and relax the pain away enough to finish the long walk down the hallway to the meeting room. I couldn’t make it go away, but I made it subside enough that I made the meeting and even participated once my turn came! Luckily, I was near the end. Sitting there for an hour or so had let the pain subside enough to comfortably participate.
When I got up to walk to my car, the pain was even worse. I was breathing deeply and I couldn’t deny it anymore.
You see, all day, my close friends and family had been urging me to go to the doctor. My best friend lives in another city and she even called my sister to force me to get medical attention. I told them not to worry, it was just stress, just an anxiety attack most likely, I’d never had one, but I was told it can cause this kind of chest pain. I kept revisiting the bill I received for a single ER visit a couple years ago that I was barely able to keep up payments for. It had turned out to be something minor I could have probably treated at home myself, but I panicked and went to the Emergency Room too quickly. I could not afford any more debt.
Still, the pain was now dizzying. I couldn’t relax it away.
When I got home, I tried to lay down and relax the pain into a managable level, but my dog, this creature I love more than anything, this savior of my psyche and my heart, started annoying the HELL out of me! He could not let me just lay down and relax, he had to harass and cajole me to stop wasting time and TAKE HIM OUT!! I couldn’t relax. I realized that in my current condition, I was not capable of taking him for a walk. He MUST have his walk or he gets anxious and starts trying to escape by exploiting any window weaknesses. Also, if I had to go to a doctor, he could be alone for a long time, so the first order of business was getting help to make sure my dog was safe first.
I have only a handful of people I trust to walk my dog. He’s my world, and I won’t put him in any situation that might get him hurt. I ran down the list and found most of them were not in town, and the ones that were, couldn’t take him to my parent’s house if I was gone a while. There was no avoiding it, I had to call my Rock, my sister the nurse. She arrived in just a few minutes to give me some advice and take Verbal for a walk. She would take him to our kennel at my parent’s house, then come meet me. I had taken some asprin, and once he was in her hands, I headed to get medical attention.
Unfortunately, desperate for it to be a minor issue, I went to the wrong place.
I was definitely having a heart attack but I was so desperate to deny the fact, and avoid the expense, that I refused to go the ER. I hoped I went to a walk-in clinic that quickly put me in an ambulance (I was not allowed to drive) and, lights on, drove me to the hospital ER. Fun fact, the EKG taken by both the clinic and the ambulance was clear of any abnormalities.
It didn’t take long to identify that the angina (chest pain) I was experiencing was, indeed, a myocardial infarction and I was dangerously flirting with permanent heart damage or even death.
I had been having an heart attack for 3 days, but I couldn’t accept it because I was not familiar with the symptoms and I didn’t WANT to have it.
Spoiler: I am writing this one week after the first noticeable symptoms, on June 13. I am feeling good, and I’m back to work. This is only the first part of my Heart Attack story. There is more to come. I will cover what happened in the hospital, upon release, and the future plans as I feel comfortable with it. (I even have some awful photos of myself.)
Learn the warning signs of heart attacks and strokes! If nothing else, I want folks to realize what it is like to have a heart attack (even if one is determined to ignore the possibility) so that others can force them to seek early treatment. More importantly, I want you to closely examine the risk factors that you and your family may posses, and do what you can to avoid the possibility altogether! As you’ll see in the next part, I was nearly the perfect risk-factor storm for a young heart attack.
To Be Continued….
DO NOT ignore the signs when you are having chest pains, the consequences are too dire. In the meantime, read the following link. I wish I had.